NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 13. – Didn’t I tell you those Latin races are the most hospitable people in the world? Look, they are putting on a war just for Mr. Hoover’s benefit. He can start right in taking over their war relief.
The Argentine Socialists are blaming Mr. Hoover for the execution of Sacco and Vanzetti. That gives you about the best line on the intelligence of the “Reds” that you could have.
New York has just appointed a new police chief. The murderers just wouldn’t surrender to the other one. But this new one, he is just as high toned as they are. So we ought to get some results, now.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 14. – Say, didn’t I always tell you that Prince of Wales was quite a boy? He can do a whole lot besides look good and dance. He stood responsible for that operation that his own younger doctor performed. If he had been allowed to come in an airplane he would have saved his father two weeks earlier.
I do hope we are smart enough to stay out of this boundary dispute between Bolivia and Paraguay. Any nation that will argue over land as cheap as land is today ain’t in their right mind anyhow. Oklahoma and Texas been arguing over a boundary and Oklahoma won. We made Texas take the land. I wish my neighbor would want my farm. He would certainly get it.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 16. – Didn’t I tell you we would have nothing but arguments as to where this miniature White House is to be located? We will perhaps have another civil war to see which side of the Montogomery Ward line it’s located on. I don’t think it should be a partisan question at all. As the Republican party is the one that have to continuously live in it, I think they ought to at least let the Democrats locate it anyhow.
Just think, one of those filibusters have held up Boulder Dam for seven years, and when it came to a vote only eleven men were against it. Maybe one man is holding up the Kellogg peace treaty.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 17. – The best informed man in America wrote me this today in a letter, so I get paid for it. Mr. Brisbane says: “Will, the Prince obeyed orders in not taking a plane. The King is a link to the past, and must stick to the past. The aeroplane is a link to the future. He still drives to Parliament in a carriage. Once the duty of every Britisher was to obey the King. Now it’s the King’s business to obey the Prime Minister, who represents every Britisher and improvements.”
I don’d care how right you are, Arthur, and I don’t care how careful Premier Baldwin was. I still claim he should have flew, or flown (whatever it is in English) and I bet the Prince will tell you so, too.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 18. – I saw the picture of the Paraguayan and Bolivian Army. Tex Rickard used to be down in those two countries. Why don’t they let him put on that fight for them? I saw a hockey game he put on here Sunday night and war is kinder effeminate after it. He would build a grandstand, charge admission, and the peanut and hot dog and movie privileges would put even the losers on velvet. Let the winner meet Peru in the semi-finals and that winner meet Dempsey in the finals.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 19. – Well, they finally stopped us from sending marines to every war we could hear of. They are having one in Afghanistan. The thing will be over before Congress can pronounce it, much less find out where it is located.
It seems the King over there thought he was adopting modern ideas by limiting his subjects to one wife per each. No wonder they threw him out. He was just old-fashioned and didn’t know it. He wasn’t modern. He was just queer.
Yours, Will Rogers.
NEW YORK, N.Y., Dec. 20. – There is some nuts got a habit here in New York—I doubt if it has reached your town, for most of your States have asylums—it’s to go bareheaded on the street.
Now, he has worn something on his head ever since his mother tied a hood under his chin, but he has never attracted any attention; so he lets it rain down his neck to show people that he bathes.
If your head hasn’t got enough in it to carry a hat, why all the sunshine on it in the world won’t do it any good.
We have a scene in our show where another comedian and myself come out with dress suits and barefooted, no difference from being bareheaded on the street. Only we get paid for attracting attention and being funny.
Let women leave off something, they do it much better than men. Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
Yours, Will Rogers.
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