BobB

Bob Batz

Senior Moments
Bob Batz has been writing for newspapers for 50 years. Batz, 68, began his writing career as a copy boy at The Flint (Mich.) Journal in 1958. He later was a feature writer at the Rochester (N.Y.) Democrat & Chronicle and The Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal. He joined the staff at The Dayton Daily News in 1970 and retired from that newspaper in January 2007. In the 1980s, Batz was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for a series of newspaper stories he wrote on Alzheimer’s disease. He later wrote a play titled "Long Goodbyes" that was staged on two different occasions by the Brookville Community Theatre. Batz and his wife Sally have been married for almost 45 years. Both are members of the Brookville Fire Department, which they joined in 1975. Both are EMTs and Sally is a former paramedic. In 2007, Bob and Sally were named Brookville’s “Citizens of the Year” by the local Chamber of Commerce. The Batzes have four children, seven grandchildren, a mortgage, two cars, crabgrass and a four-pound dog named Matilda. For the past 10 years Sally has been administrative secretary to the Brookville fire chief. Since Bob’s retirement, he has continued as an adjunct journalism professor at the University of Dayton where he has taught feature writing, media writing and sports writing for 24 years. He also serves as Public Information Officer for the Brookville Fire Department and Public Relations Liaison for the Butler Township Fire Department.

The Demise of the Doorknob: Part of the Conspiracy Against Things Bob Likes

I read the other day that the doorknob is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

According to the author of the story, doorknobs are being shoved into extinction by door levers, which are growing in popularity because their release mechanisms make them easier to use than doorknobs.

The story went on to say that door levers now account for 15 percent of U.S. door-opener sales, according to hardware industry surveys. I can’t believe doorknobs could soon go the way of dinosaurs, hoop skirts and 78 RPM records.

I mean, if there aren’t any doorknobs where in the hell am I going to hang my clothes every night before I go to bed?

If you ask me, the reported demise of the doorknob is part of yet another screwball scheme to rid the world of all of the things I absolutely adore.

During my 68 years on this wildly spinning orb we call home I’ve already witnessed the disappearance of many of my favorite things.

Like automobile running boards, duck-tail haircuts and Howdy Doody.

While we’re in the process of recalling neat things that no longer exist, let’s be sure to toss in TV sets with round screens, cowboy movies starring John Wayne, pegged pants, rumble seats and dial telephones.

I still don’t understand how doorknobs suddenly became so unpopular. Did doorknobs do some bad things to people that I didn’t hear about?

Actually, though, there’s a bright side to this whole thing. Given the times in which we live, I’m sure somebody will eventually get a handle (no pun intended) on the whole doorknob controversy and put together an organization to protect those pieces of bright, shiny hardware.

I mean, we did it for whales, seals and the polar ice cap, so why can’t we do it for doorknobs?

Maybe we could call the organization F.R.E.D. – Federation for Respecting and Eulogizing Doorknobs.

Once that’s done, then we could turn our attention to getting singing lessons for Britney Spears.